i'm a lunatic

i have been thinking about what traditions i want to carry on with my children.
you know the ones that came from my parents and grandparents for me and my sisters.
one of the ones i think i may carry on is lying to my children for my own personal gain and/or sanity.
there is actually a lady who writes on about this on HelloGiggles and it's (not surprisingly) titled, Lies I Tell My Daughter.  
i mean, i'm not going to tell them that they are space aliens and we are not their parents or anything...
ugh, i'm not explaining this very well.
let me just give you an example.
here is my most memorable lie from my childhood:

my Pop used to tell me that there were alligators under the bed in his room so we would take a nap.
this is not a lie.
he would put us to bed in the middle of the day ya'all, like we needed a nap in the middle of the day:/
and tell us to be still.
then shut the door to the room.
when we were not laying there motionless, he would very quickly remind us... there are alligators under the bed and that they would eat us if we tried to get down.
i believed it until i was like 10.
horrifically enough, i STILL to this day do NOT hang any body part off the bed whilst sleeping NOR do i simply ‘get out of bed’ in the middle of the night.
i LAUNCH myself to as close as i can get to the bathroom (or bedroom door) and then jump once more into the bathroom (or out of the bedroom and typically on two toes and pray for their safety as this is happening) and then do it in reverse on the way back, due to irrational fear of alligators under the bed.

this is factual information.

and I understand it is strange and somewhat delusional on my part.

i’m almost ok with that.

so whaddya think? alligator stories for my kiddies, or no?

leave me a comment below with 'the lies your parents/grandparents/guardians/siblings/etc told you when you were younger', it'll be fun.

i promise. :)

Wiggling. Yes.

Hey ya'll!
Happy new year to you and yours! :) 
Just so you know, one of my resolutions for the big 2012 is to be a more consistent blogger. Which, in turn, makes you my fabulous blog readers, my accountability group.
So, you are welcome.
And many thanks.
And I'm done.

Ha, no not really.
Ok, so here's the deal...

I REALLY love to dance. Like a lot. 
When i was younger, ya know... many moons ago, I enjoyed dancing for others. (Get your head outta the gutta! Not exotically, but like on stage, with a team or at school games and such.) 
But now, I really just like dancing for my own enjoyment without any extra eyes. I won't get into the reasoning.
Now, one of my ab-so-lute favorite places to dance is in the car. My new favorite group to dance to in the car is LMFAO. Particularly their song, I'm sexy and I know it!
Have you ever heard that song?
I freaking can't get enough! It just makes me giddy. I get an uncontrollable urge when I hear this song to just bust a move. Listen to it. Try not to wiggle when you listen and get back with me if you can be still. We'll need to check your pulse and see if you are even alive. For real. (I'm actually listening to it right now as I'm blogging and dancing in my cubicle.)
So, as usual, I'm driving to work this morning and I'm dancing some kind of fierce and singing at the top of my lungs and pull up to the red light.
So does a random man in a very nice new Chevy truck.
He looks over at the amazingness that is taking place in the driver's side of my vehicle.
He makes this horrible face.
Then, he creepily and very suggestively takes a bite of his banana and speeds off!
At first, I'm thinking "ewwwwwwwww!!!" 
::shudders due to flashback::

And then I think back to the day before.
Different street.
Different random person pulling up beside me.
I'm dancing to the same song and singing very loudly.
Person looks over at me and sees the amazingness going down.
Makes almost the same horrible face.
Same speeding away.

What is the deal people?
Do you not enjoy a little cardiovasuclar excercise in the car first thing in the morning? Cause apparently, I do.
So then, that prompted me to write the following as my facebook status this morning:

"i'm beginning to wonder if my driver side dancing is starting to scare people or make them uncomfortable. for the second morning in a row, the people beside me have looked over, saw the awesomeness and then sped quickly away. i mean, i can't help it that me and LMFAO have a fantastic dance party in the car!"

Really though, really.
I don't think I have EVER sped away from someone after watching them have a dance party in the car. Or singing at the top of their lungs. Or even picking their boogers.
Am I repulsing you, strange random drivers that pull up beside me during my own personal interpretive dance at 6:40 AM?
Do you not know how to have a good time?
Are you not rejuvinated by watching someone else enjoy themselves?
Did I not just give you an awesome laugh?

Well, I guess I'll never know the answers to those questions.
And I guess it doesn't bother me too much.
I'm sure I'll be dancing again on the way home and just being awesome.  
Or scaring people, again.

Do you dance in the car?
Sing expressively?
Pick your boogers?
If so, leave me a comment below.
I wanna know who my peeps are.

hop, hop, hop

last night, a truly amazing thing happened.
i picked up my kiddos and headed to the house after work. that's the normal everyday stuff. keep reading. the girl had some homework, and since daddy was cooking, we decided to go ahead and tackle it before we all got sleepy. this was her first REAL homework assignment.

but i guess you need the back story to fully appreciate this amazing-ness. here goes...
a few weeks ago, i had a parent/teacher conference with the fabulous Ms. W, my girl's kindergarten teacher. it was a general meeting in which the kindergarten teachers would meet with each student's parent to discuss their child's report card and their child's progress or lack there of to date. the same day this was to occur, the little man had surgery. so this mama was tired and emotional, to say the least. i walked in the door, terribly early for once in my life so i had to sit in the office until my appointment time. now i'm feeling like a kid in trouble and i began to wonder:
 am i old enough to be doing this?
 am i mature enough to accept the outcome of this meeting?
 what if all this time, all this time, i've been convinced my child was 'gifted' and more  intelligent than any other child her age and it was simply a mother's deluded vision of her child?
 will i get the wind knocked out of me if there's an observation made by the teacher i didn't plan on hearing?
 am i ready for this?

these questions continue to swirl around in my mind as i head to the gym. i'm surprising my girl and picking her up this day. she's excited to see me but confused, nonetheless. she asked why i was there and i remind her it's parent/teacher conference day. i get her settled in the hallway with the help of Ms. W's puzzle and shut the door to the room. my palms are sweating now and my knees are shaking a bit. i take a seat across the table from the teacher. it's time to begin.

we discuss Norie's report card, she asks if i have any questions. she shows me some 'characters' N had written the first day of school and then follows up with what the 'characters' should have been: the alphabet. my head starts spinning again. she continues to show me things from the beginning of the year but now, she's showing me the exact same exercises from a week before. my girl's progress was inspiring.
my girl, she was four when she started kindergarten. now my head is tingling, hairs standing on end...in awe of my child. a few more items are brought up for discussion and the teacher informs books will be going out in the next few weeks for guided reading to be done at home. i'm all for it, anything i can do to help.

Ms. W says there's one more thing she'd like to share with me before continuing. she turns around, grabs a small book, looks squarely into my eyes and i see hers are twinkling. i seriously don't know what is going on at this point. she lays the book in between us with the words facing me. she explains that earlier this week, N, read this very book i was looking at in the very chair i was sitting in at this very moment. i felt as if rays of light were coming out of Ms. W at this point and missed a few words that came out of her mouth. but, what i heard next was even more delicious. my girl headed back to her table to sit with her tablemates after getting praise and exclaimed with joy "Y'all I just read a book. I've been waiting my WHOLE LIFE to read!"

shut the front door.
my heard be still.
oh my ghandi.
is this for real?

i cried. sitting right there in that very chair at that very table my girl had experienced such magical joy and i cried some more. Ms. W, she got teary eyed, too, all because of my girl.
all of those questions i had before, doubts, anxiety-gone.
i shouldn't have even gone there.
i should have known better.

now, that very first book she read was only a few pages long. but it doesn't matter one bit. SHE READ A BOOK PEOPLE! the only sadness i felt was that i didn't experience it in the moment my girl did.

back to last night.
the guided reading book was her homework; it was ten pages long. the book's title was 'hop, hop, hop'
and you know what? she nailed it. every single word, no help, no prompts, no nothing.
SHE READ THE WHOLE BOOK! i squealed with excitement, squeezed her, kissed her, high-fived her face (i was going for her hand, but i missed!), squealed some more, did the happy dance and kissed her sweet cheeks until she begged for mercy.
i was there. i saw this happen. i watched that beautiful grin burst throughout her entire body.

we were up almost an hour after bedtime last night.
me and my girl.
reading books, together.

Mamaw

i've been quite nostalgic lately.
well, more so than usual.
tomorrow, my precious sister, Kris, will celebrate her birthday.
it also would have been my great-grandmother's birthday; better known as Mamaw.

Mamaw was a wonder of a human being.
she was smart, she was funny, she was kind.
she 'got her hair done' at the beauty shop; once a week if i remember correctly.
i can't remember her ever driving without the passengers being scared for their lives.
she used the dishwasher for storage. you know, cause bread and other dry goods keep so much better in a dishwasher.
there was always a crystal candy dish with my favorite orange slices on the table in between her and Grandaddy's recliners in the tv room.
she let me explore, wander, plunder, make things, cut things, climb trees, make forts...her house was like a secret passageway into kid heaven.
the first memory i have of cooking is with her. homemade dumplings. i cannot even explain with words how luxurious those dumplings were.
she even let me eat the uncooked ones. but only if i was really good.
there was always shredded coconut in the fridge and i had to sneak it out a pinch at a time or she would fuss.
her front porch was screened in and full of plants.
she loved begonias.
i get white and pink ones every year just because of her.

i loved her smile, her funny voice, her southern drawl, her love for my Grandaddy.
she had these arms that were so magical to me when i was little cause the underside of them felt like velvet.
and she never got mad when i kept trying to trace them with my tiny fingers.

Grandaddy was waited on hand and foot when she was around.
heck, all of us really. and if you offered to help, she'd pretend to let you when really she was doing it all.
she made sure Grandaddy had coffee and cake everyday. as it was his most favorite past time, coffee and cake.
i learned the art of playing 'wheel of fortune' in her lap; but only if i didn't block the tv.


its been a while now since she's been gone.
i wish with every ounce of my being she could have been at our graduations, weddings and birth of her great great grandchildren.
i love her still so very deeply.
i see her sometimes in my dreams.
i hope, one day, i'll live to see the day when my children's children have babies.
so they can call me Mamaw.
and i can love them as fiercely as she loved us.
Happy Birthday in Heaven, Mamaw.
we love you everyday.

Let's be honest

i love lists!
i love to write lists.
i love to check things off my list.
i have lists for 'to do.'
i have wish lists.
i have work lists.
i have books i want to read lists.
i have 'you should clean this on this day lists.'
you would think i would be rockin' organized since i love lists so much, eh?
and you would be wrong. so very, very wrong.

and you would be wrong simply because... i also have a terrible knack for losing things and forgetting. so a lot (or most all) of the time, that means, my lists are lost along with all of those fantastic things i've written on them. i know, this poses a problem. as lists need to be kept up with for the things ON the list to be checked off; which strangely, is another thing i love about lists. so, i've decided to start keeping these lovely lists on my phone. i never lose my phone and it rarely leaves my hands (except for when i am typing, like now, but it's sitting right next to the laptop. judge me, if you must.) yet, keeping lists on my phone takes away the tangible feel of having a paper list in my hand and carefully writing the things down on my list and therefore, also not being able to physically strike through a task accomplished.

it's ok if that just made you nervous and think of me in a completely different way. i'm cool with that notion. now, in honor of my love for lists. i will now compile a virtual list full of some every day observations. we will call it, Let's be honest.

::ahem::

Let's be honest:
- no one likes to poo in public. that is why there are multiple bathrooms in office buildings. this way you can pick your 'secret bathroom' for those times you just need to be alone. it really stinks (hahahaha) when someone else is occupying your secret bathroom when you really need to utlize it's privacy features. i tend to walk out when this happens to me and return when all is clear.
- thongs are not made for comfort. if you disagree, you are a liar. there is no way that having an all day wedgie is comfortable. and don't tell me, "it's like it's barely there!" again, you are a liar.
- no one on this earth can eat chili cheese fritos without getting the chili cheese 'dust' all up in their grill. you will have little specks of red and black and brown in your teeth. i promise. try it. now. go. i'll wait.
- taking your coffee cup to the bathroom with you is gross. i don't care how clean you think the bathroom you are entering might be; it is full of nasty. i won't go any further with this one, except to say, do you want all that nasty in/on your cup? no, i don't either.
- movie theatres are breeding grounds for germs and lice. they. just. are.
- what about a public bathroom wall wants to make someone want to wipe their boogers on it? again, this is gross. pick your boogers all you want. just don't put them on public display. (credit to my friend, S, at work for this one. apparently this is more of a problem in the men's room.)
- it amazes me that not all cars driven in the USA are made with blinkers. i have encountered a rather large number of these vehicles, recently. you know the ones... you are patiently waiting with your blinker on to turn into traffic and then the oncoming vehicle makes a turn without notice and almost hits you. or the one where you are happily driving along at 55mph and the car in front of you rapidly slams on brakes and turns into a parking lot? yeah, those cars. where can i buy one of those?

my time at work is done now, but i promise you...this list will continue. tonight even, maybe. post a comment of your, 'Let's be honest' observations. i know you've got some.

speed

the boy has had a bike since he turned three.
and up until last week, he's ridden it maybe ten times.
he's a bit taller now and has learned how to use the brakes and man! you can't keep him off that thing now. look at how precious this is:

he and sister have been racing up and down the street on their bikes lately. and who would have guessed? little man wins every time. he has no fear of speed. NONE. the faster the better for that one and it doesn't end with is bike. he wants to go fast in the car, on the four wheeler, on his riders, on his scooter...
Lord, please help his mama.

on another note. the kiddos camped out last night. in MP's room. in a tent. together.
it was bliss. their sweet Papaw Bob got them their very own pint sized tents. you would have thought that they had been given elevendybillion dollars seeing those sweet smiles on their faces as we put them up last night.

they have been sleeping together in sissy's room for a bit now, so i was not surprised at the request to camp out in brother's room. they told us they were gonna 'party hardy'. really, their exact words. but, i guess the party tent didn't have magical stay-awake dust on it. they were out in thirty minutes after bed time. i have come to this conclusion though.

they. are. the. coolest. kids. ever.

rules

this girl of mine is growing in ways i never imagined possible, so soon.
she's growing like a weed, physically.
i swear her brain is getting so big it's starting to sprout through her hair.
the confidence level (i've never worried about it with this one) has gone through the roof. each day there's more exciting things to learn, to do, to feel, to experience.
she's soaking them up like sweet syrup on buttermilk pan-a-cakes.
another thing that is also growing, that i am not particularly fond of, is her attitude.

now, don't get me wrong. she's always been a diva. like, since minute number one of being on this earth. but sometimes, i am convinced an alien heathen has taken over my baby girl's body and has decided to descend upon us with a full on teenage attitude.

is it part of growing up? yes. it is.
is it part of finding yourself? i suppose.
is it fun for anyone other than the attitudinal? heck no!

lately, i've been told that she wants to be the queen so she can rule me. ummm, say whaaaaaaaaa?! yes, you read that right. she wants to rule me and her brother, and her daddy, and the universe i'm sure. also, and i think they teach this on the bus, but i can't be certain. her head can now wobble side to side and back and forth and up and down without ever detaching from her body, but it looks like it's detached, so you get a little dizzy while you are watching her 'rule you.' yeah, for real. and in the midst of the head bobbing and weaving, there are these words, these foreign, angry, dictator type words coming out of her mouth.
sheesh. how did this happen?

has any other mommy had this experience with their newly pinned kindergartner?
and if so, when can i expect the alien heathen to exit my precious one's body?
soon?
maybe?
please say soon!
can't you feel the hysteria in my voice?!

no? well, i had a feeling it was gonna be this way.
i'm gonna fight it though, everyday.
and remind her:
she is smart.
she is beautiful.
she is kind.
she is magical.
she is fantastic.
she is witty.
she is brave.
she is exciting.
she is... still a child.
MY child.
and my children, they don't rule me one bit. and you can count on that, sister.

note: my kids really are my heart and probably get away with more than they should. but seriously, rule me?! bwhahahahahaaaa.... she's got another thing coming. :)